Where does the time disappear to?

"Why have you been so quiet the last few weeks?" I ask myself.
As though the answer isn't obvious to me.

I hate not being in control of my life, my usual schedule. Too much OCD running through my veins to feel comfortable for that.

Work is busy. No not my writing, my day job.

Only a year ago I had all the time I could wish for. Freedom in abundance. The life of a retired lady.

I was celebrating too early though. Along came my husband (okay, we've been together for about 25 years and married for 20) and dragged me back to the world of the working bees. And now I'm as busy as one.

Really, I couldn't say no to his pleading eyes. His manager was terminally ill with cancer and he wanted continuity for his business. Understandable and I agreed with the sentiment. Having worked in the same sector of industry he works in, I had some background knowledge of the job he wanted me to take over. I had never called myself a manager before, though. I had been on the same side of the job he is. Only had to step in when our manager was given the sack by my colleagues and myself.

So, there I was. Hubby told me, "I need you to come in next Monday." That was on Tuesday. Dutifully, I reported for duty a few days later. I hoped his manager would be okay with seeing me and would not feel like I was invading her territory. Unfortunately, that was exactly how it seemed to be.

Everyone was able to see she was dying in front of our eyes. She did not (want to) see it herself. Excitedly she still spoke of plans for the coming Christmas party (2020). She came to the party in 2019, if only for a short period.

I tried to stay out of her way as much as possible. Helping where she accepted help. Staying away when she did not want me around. After I had updated the policies and protocols (she was okay with me doing that work), I asked what else I could do to help. Not much was pushed my way and I tried to quietly observe the job I was to take over when she was no longer able to perform it.

Yes, she was one amazing woman.

There were a lot of jobs she did not want any interference in and jobs she would not explain to me. All the finances were kept tightly in her own hands. Understandable, she was a partner in the business after all. Only, it meant it was difficult for me to get an insight into how they were organised.

For a number of weeks, I quietly looked over her shoulders and hoped to pick some of it up. It would have been better if she had explained how it worked, but that would have threatened her too much. She was going to stay around for years and years to come, after all.

By the middle of January, she began to realise it might be time to retire. She was only 74 after all. That day, we started to fill in the documents to get her pension sorted. It was her last day of work and she died only 10 days later. She had only just agreed to have the mandate for the bank changed to say I was a signatory on the account too. This was only 4 days before she passed away.

Getting the bank sorted and being able to sign the cheques still took another 2-3 weeks, the bank was rather slow and made some errors along the way.

It was a stressful time and we are only just starting to get things under control a little. There are still things I don't know about the job. Things I will never be able to ask her about. Denial is such a strong sensation. She was not ready to admit her life was coming to an end and as such was not ready to hand over the reigns. It was difficult to stand back and stay in the background, but that is what she needed.

And now my days are really busy once more. Little time for relaxation and getting my writing done. I miss my writing and stories keep swirling through my head, even if I don't have a chance to write them down.

So, what does a typical day look like?

My days start at the same time as they used to when I was not yet retired. (well, I guess I'm out of retirement again now)

Up at 03.45, get dressed and go downstairs.
Mix the dough for the fresh bread and knead the dough.
Leave the dough to rise and unpack the dishwasher.
Knead the dough again.
Leave the dough to rise again and fold and iron the clean clothes.
Put the oven on and form the bread rolls.
Leave bread rolls to rest and tidy the washing away.
Put rolls in the oven and bake for 20 minutes.
Make lunch, coffee for husband and wait for him to come downstairs.
Now it's quarter past five on a Monday or Friday.
Get a shopping list ready for later.
Once my husband leaves at half five, I clean the bathrooms, bins and washing machine. Afterwards, I put the daily load of washing in the machine and let it do its job. I get changed and ready to do the shopping at 7am.
On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I leave the rising times a little longer and finish by six. I skip the bathrooms; feeling lazy, and go upstairs to do some work. With my laptop on my lap, I check my emails and catch up with social media/marketing. On Monday and Friday, there is no chance to do this.

At around 8 am I leave the house to go to work. Every day I do my best to keep the business running as efficiently as possible and it appears most of the staff are happy with how things are at the moment.

My official working day is from 9-5 but I usually get there around 8.30 and often leave after 5. Sometimes I don't manage to leave until 6.30 when the doors close.
After a half-an-hour drive home, it's time to change and cook tea.

By now, it's 19.30 already. With my husband enjoying himself on the PlayStation, I look at my watch and decide it's time to go to bed. After half an hour reading, I close my eyes. Tomorrow will be another early and busy day.

So, just in case you've missed me, now you know why. In the weekend I need to catch up on sleep, housework and any marketing I can fit in. Not to forget the work relating to CRAFT Challenge.

No wonder I feel guilty most days now. There is simply not enough time in the world to do everything exactly the way I would like to do them.

To be honest, I miss those days of retirement. I will now have to wait at least another 5 years before I can consider retiring again. Probably longer. My husband is a few years younger than me and wants to retire at 60. Another 6-7 years, I guess.

Yes, I really miss those days of freedom.

Although I may not be as active as I used to be on here, I will still do all withing my power to help my fellow authors and friends. I just can't do it as much as I used to.

Joni.