The third day of #NaNoWriMo

Today is the third day of #NaNoWriMo and I already decided yesterday the weekend would be for resting and taking it easy. And for working on the first draft on my sixth book.

So, after a short lie-in, a leisurely shower, turning the washing machine on and eating breakfast with the family (okay, the kids remained upstairs while hubby and I ate breakfast), I wrote three more chapters of 'Diary of a Female GP'. After getting to 22128 words yesterday and noticing the next badge would be achieved at 25000 words, I was desperate to make it to that threshold today. When I reached it, I was still not fully happy and wanted to get to a minimum of 5000 words today, so I wrote another chapter.
So, I'm proud to tell you, I have now reached 27144 words total and it's only day three! Tuesday has however not been completed yet. This will take another two chapters. Something to work on tomorrow, I guess.

The rest of today, I will work on my sixth book and anything else I fancy doing. It is Saturday after all.

Although I'm not sure if you enjoy the little excerpts I have shared with you so far, I will give you another one today. Hope you'll like it.

I'm running behind slightly and the next patient comes in ten minutes after her appointment time. Meghan is a thirty-seven year old lady, who tells me about her depression today, "Life just isn't worth living any longer. I'm no good to anyone and everyone would be better off without me. Martin tells me how worthless I am constantly and he should know. Martin is the one who knows me best."
"What do you mean, life isn't worth living? Have you ever considered doing anything to hurt yourself?"
Meghan dissolves in a flood of tears and nods, "I have a nice stock of tablets stored away for when I can no longer cope, for when the time is right. Martin does not realise. If he did, he would hit me so hard, I wouldn't even make it to the hospital."
Wait? What did she say? "Does Martin hit you?"
Still crying, Meghan nods again, "Yes, but it is my own fault. Martin only hits me if the food is not ready on time or if there are still creases in his shirt after I have ironed it. Only if I haven't done things right or if I haven't done what I was supposed to do."
And she considers that to be normal? "But Meghan, that does not give him the right to hit you. That is not acceptable behaviour. You have a choice to not accept that. There are services available for you to help you with this."
Meghan shakes her head, "No it is my fault Martin hits me. He told me so. I'm worthless and can't do anything right. Only by hitting me will I ever learn how to do things right."
I shake my head. Meghan sounds like she has been completely brainwashed. This should not be allowed to continue, but if Meghan won't accept my help, what is there left to do? 
"Do you an Martin have any children?" If there are children in the household something needs to happen. Social services will need to be involved if Meghan is not willing to take control of the situation and get out of her abusive relationship.
She shakes her head, "Martin says it's my fault. Three years ago I lost a baby. Can't even carry a baby right, he says. Things have gotten worse since."
Okay, I have most of the back story now. Even without her willingness to accept help - why is she here if not asking for help? - I need to look into the suicidal thoughts more. 
"You mentioned the tablets earlier, Is there anything that stops you from taking those at the moment?"
"Yes, if I take them, Martin will be so mad with me. There won't be tea on the table when he gets home."
"And is there anything that would make you take them?"
Tears continue to run down Meghan's face as her hands fidget in her lap, "If I lost the baby again." I can only just make out the words.
This makes the situation even worse than it was already. "Does Martin know you're pregnant?"
Meghan shakes her head and continues to stare down, her voice continues in a whisper, "If he found out, he would kick my stomach again until I lost the baby. I'm not worthy to be a mum, too worthless. But I don't want to lose the baby."
Something needs to be done. If Meghan returns home to her husband, there is a distinct risk she and the baby might not survive. 
Again I try to persuade Meghan to accept help. Surely she must have wanted help for her to attend the surgery? There seems to be a deep desire to protect her unborn baby and I may be able to use that to convince her.
"This baby is important to you, isn't it?"
Meghan nods.
"How far would you be willing to go to protect it?"
She looks up, "Anything," then adds, "anything within reason. I can't leave Martin. He will never allow it."
"Do you want to leave him?"
Another nod, "I've tried a few times. Last time was when I lost the baby three years ago. I was clumsy and tripped over Martin's foot at the top of the stairs, then fell down it. He blamed me for being careless and hit me when I lay at the bottom of the stairs, then kicked my stomach. My clumsiness killed the baby, but I blamed Martin for a while and I ran away and stayed with my mum for a few weeks. When he told mum what I had done, she told me I should own up to my mistakes and go back to my husband. That I was unreasonable and Martin deserved better from me. I went home again that same day, I had no other choice."
"So, what would you like to do now?" Judging by Meghan's words, she was on the threshold of making a major decision regarding her future. A decision that could save the life of Meghan and her unborn baby. Still, her words regarding the pills remained in the back of my mind. Referral to the crisis team for assessment of her suicidal ideation might be necessary as well as referral to the domestic abuse centre.
"I don't know. Sometimes I want to leave Martin and never come back. But where can I go? Mum would just send me back home. Dad died years ago and my sister lives too far away. She has her own family to care for and does not need me to make her life worse. Anyway, Martin would find me. He will always find me."
As I walk to the filing cabinet and take out the details for the domestic abuse centre, a little hope of a better life for Meghan and her unborn child flickers inside me. I hand the details to Meghan and she meets my eyes, "Do you really think these people can help me, doctor?"
"Yes, I think they can. The centre has helped a lot of women in a similar position and they can help you as well if you wish. No one is worthless, we all serve some role in this world. Don't let anyone tell you you're worthless, because they are wrong."
Will this be enough? Should I refer her to the crisis team as well?
"Now, if the centre helps you, how do you feel about those tablets you've stored away?"
A sheepish smile takes hold of Meghan's face, "I don't think they will be needed in that case, doctor. They would hurt the baby, wouldn't they?"
I nod, "Yes, they would certainly hurt the baby."
"Then I'll get rid of them as soon as I get home."
"So, what are your plans?"
"Martin won't be home until eight tonight. After I get home, I'll get rid of the tablets, pack a bag and see these people. I'm going to leave Martin, this time for good."
Hope blooms in my heart and I hope Martin doesn't get home unexpectedly, "If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me. Also, if there ever is a time where you feel like you want to hurt yourself, please, don't suffer on your own, speak to someone instead."
Meghan promises she will, hugs me and leaves with a hopeful expression on her face. Please let her be okay.

Joni